Down The Drain, 2023
Quilt - Bandana, Printed Felt and Embroidery Thread, 48cm x 65cm.
Shape Arts commissioned me and three other artists to create a banner on the theme of The Many Costs of Living and how it disproportionately impacts disabled and chronically ill people. Shape Arts were really supportive in encouraging the ideas I already had, and expanding on various other suggestions or ways of brainstorming. My confidence was rock bottom, I didnt think I could come up with something, I had too many ideas but nothing felt right. With a lot of support and guidance from Shape Arts I was able to put together something really close to my heart and vitally important in todays political climate, saving the NHS. I designed the background of this piece to be a glitchy, impending doom kind of vibe which I did by patch-working black and white triangle panels together, creating a circular pattern similar to something Id seen at the Louise Bourgeois textile exhibition last year. Below is my statement about the context behind my design on the motifs.
“The government is selling off our health service, already suggesting that we begin paying for appointments. The impacts of this are disproportionately felt by those most reliant on the NHS: older populations, those living in poverty, and disabled people. The foundational vision of a free at the point of use, taxpayer-funded welfare system has been eroded by profit-seekers determined to line their pockets at any cost. Free healthcare is a human right and until recently underpinned many Briton’s sense of civic pride and community, but the NHS is unlikely to make its 100th birthday. Down The Drain represents my fears for the future of our NHS, especially as a disabled person with chronic pain. I worry for my community and the wider public. Everyone deserves fair pay and decent working conditions and yet we’ve deprived our most critical workers of such things and left them no option but to strike. With medication supplies running out, avoidable excess deaths constantly rising, ambulance wait-times exceeding 24 hours, healthcare professionals quitting in ever-increasing numbers, and the vulnerable abandoned with the disregarding of Covid precautions, the NHS is going down the drain before our very eyes.”
Throughout the project I was having multiple breakdowns, spiralling and having genuine crises fearing for my future as an artist because if I cant do a commission with a Disability Org with full support from them, how am I supposed to have a career as an artist at all. The pressure was too much. This was my first commission since 2021 and I didnt want to let the opportunity pass me by. I also wasnt giving myself the mental and emotional space to actually feel my feelings about this work. I said to my friend Mary, if this piece was about the british empire or colonialism, id give myself the space and understanding to be upset about the heavy subject. She said “In many ways we are just beginning to understand colonialism in new ways, but it’s also something that has been discussed critically across the world for centuries, so there are pre existing ideas and languages you can use to talk about those experiences, whereas with disability and illness, those conversations are still in early stages, our human rights movements have only just begun in living memory in a few countries, but people I speak to from around the world still mainly live in countries where there is no language away from medicalisation or notions of the defective body/person.“
Disability justice is still so stereotyped, medicalised, shunned, nuanced and misunderstood, so of course I didn’t connect the dots until I was almost done with the project. I was grateful for that insight and was able to give myself some patience and empathy when I was spiralling and struggling.
Once I started physically making the artwork, so many things kept going wrong, despite all my planning and brain power i put into preparation. When you aren’t disabled and you make mistakes with something, thats not always a bad thing, its an opportunity to learn from them or even experiment. When youre disabled, have limited energy and have pain flare ups upon doing most activities, making mistakes filled me with frustration and dread. I couldn’t stop crying, I couldn’t physically sew anymore. Thankfully my mum was there to save me and help me get over the last hurdle.
To launch the campaign all four artworks were displayed on billboards across the UK from London, Manchester, Liverpool, Sheffield and Glasgow! I was able to go see two of them with my parents which was a fun adventure in my fav city, with the added bonus of my art out there. First we went to Finsbury Park, which is in North London not too far from where I live. In fact I went to college on Holloway Road and used to wait for the bus stop opposite where the billboard was. It felt like a full circle moment as 11 years ago I was there studying Art and Design BTEC which I credit for giving me the foundations of love and respect for all kinds of arts and where I originally started embroidering! Despite the odds, despite the pain, here I am in 2023 with my art across the UK, on such a meaningful project.
