Depressed Skull, 2016

Hand embroidery on calico, 8cm x 12.5 cm

I originally made this artwork for a second series of Espolon Tequila commissions, but upon completion they understandably didn’t want death, depression and their alcohol brand to be associated with each other.

I flipped through an old sketchbook from Art School when I was in Birmingham 127 miles away from home. One of the sketches I saw said “I wonder who I would be without mental illness” At that time I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. I had no idea of the possibility that I could be Autistic or ADHD, and that the Depression and Anxiety I was feeling was actually caused by struggling to function in a world without understanding I am actually Neurodivergent and my brain is just wired in a different way. As you can see from this Skull I made in 2016, I was embroidering handwritten versions of my internal monologue which reflected the depression I was feeling at the time. Looking back this embroidery I can see some signs of struggling with AuDHD and the constant cycle of negative thoughts and not fulfilling expectations of me which are seemingly everyday tasks but feel impossible when you struggled with executive dysfunction.